A heavy metal rant: Stop the Di’Anno v. Dickinson, Ozzy v. Dio forever wars. Forever.

"Never, this is the end" ... of tired internet arguments.
So sayeth Dio.

Every so often I need to let out a good rant. It gets my blood going and my cold keyboard hot. Here’s one I’ve had on my chest for a while.

Imagine fighting a war that lasted 40 years, that had no resolution, and whose outcome was incalculable amounts of wasted time, wasted youth, wasted breath.

When would it be time to say “enough”? 

Some fans of Iron Maiden and Black Sabbath have been waging such a war for decades and can’t stop themselves from charging once more into the breach, going over the top into machine gun fire. Dying little deaths every day.

Wars of words fought over and over. A nightmarish endless war. One that finally must end.

They can’t do it. So I’ll do it for them.

No more Paul Di’Anno vs. Bruce Dickinson. 

No more Ozzy Osbourne vs. Ronnie James Dio. 

Stop now. 

It’s over.

It never needed to be a war to begin with. 

Paul Di’Anno was awesome on the first two Maiden albums. 

Ozzy Osbourne did immortal work with Sabbath.

Then their stories ended with these bands (Ozzy had a proper reunion tour). And when they did end, others stepped up. 

And also did immortal work.

Bruce Dickinson is Iron Maiden, as much as Steve Harris, and took the band to new heights.

Ronnie James Dio did awesome work on four Sabbath studio albums (The Devil You Know is a Sabbath album).

All four dudes are worthy.

That’s the story.

So let’s cut the shit with the comparisons. But you won’t, will you? Because you think you have some new cutting-edge argument that will finally settle the matter. That only you know the real truth, and the rest of the world needs to know.

You don’t know the truth. You just have an ugly opinion.

I’ve heard them all, all the arguments.

I hear them in my sleep.

But Maiden’s first two albums are so much better, and punkish, and cutting edge. If they had only kept Paul on…

Stop it.

But Dio turned Sabbath into something generic. War Pigs doesn’t work without Ozzy…

Cut the shit.

Here’s a 2,500 word Substack essay speculating what Maiden might have done in 1983 if Paul DiAnno only…

I said cut the shit! 

I hate counterfactual thinking. It’s a complete waste of time. 

No one’s taking away the old albums. 

More to the point, you were not there when band personnel decisions were made. Paul was fired, Ozzy was fired, and both with ample cause.

You have ZERO idea about band dynamics. Which is 10x more complex and nuanced than anything you can comprehend.

Find something else to fill your time than these tired, dead, arguments. 

When you feel compelled to type for the 4,268th time how Maiden with DiAnno was “better and Bruce sucked” or how “the only real Sabbath was Ozzy Sabbath” here’s some advice. 

1. Stop, take a breath. 

2. Go to the kitchen, pour yourself a glass of water. 

3. Reflect on how pathetic your life is, and the wasted years you’ve put into typing nonsense.

4. Get your car keys or fob, drive your car to the local soup kitchen, help people in need.

You’ll feel better. The world will be better. And you’ll have saved the internet from clogging it with one more piece of shit.

The past is done and dusted, and we can celebrate it all now. All the iterations of our favorite bands. Stop with the black-and-white thinking. 

Three of these four guys are dead and gone…let them rest in peace.

Get out of mom’s basement, appreciate life and all its variety. 

I write this knowing it will not end these wars, but it’s my last word on it. 

If someone asks me my opinion I will send them this link.

Understanding The Lord of the Rings

Ambush by Justin Gerard.

Right now (with a brief diversion into REH for his 120th) it's all Lord of the Rings, all the time.

Last weekend I took my daughters to see Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers. Today we conclude the film trilogy with a viewing of Return of the King. I was able to switch the show date from tomorrow to avoid the incoming snowpocalypse. 

(It is starting to feel like The Long Winter. Wolves are at the door).

Besides the films I'm also re-reading LOTR. Which as always is an experience like no other. 

Here's a few thoughts after finishing The Council of Elrond.

***

The Lord of the Rings is a story of roots, and places.

It’s an origin story for people, from whence we came, in our mythic past. Because Middle-earth is our earth.

It is an expression of deep sadness for that which is lost, with the march of time and “progress.”

It is a moral tale, with maps of ethical behavior evinced by its characters. Some of these are loyalty, perseverance, charity, mercy.

Sauron is off-screen, a dark and sinister menace, and evil. His chief power is not in projected force (though he has that in orcs and wargs) but in domination. His chief tool is despair. The Ringwraiths’ power is in the paralyzing fear they instill. 

So therefore it is the rejection of domination and despair through perseverance and mercy that are the keys to understanding Tolkien’s moral framework.

It is an affirmation of the divine order of the universe, that there is a maker. That evil was there almost at the beginning. Iluvatar created angelic beings in his image with free will and Melkor rejected the offered order. From him came evil. But ultimately the universe is good, that there is light and high beauty forever beyond the reach of Melkor/Sauron and the shadow. 

These themes are the true magic of the story, IMO… and then there is the Lore. Which is awesome, and also magic, and intimately related to the themes. 

The Lore is the great family trees, the great Ages of history, the great stories of the past.

In Fellowship we learn about Beren and Luthien, the love of a man and elf-maiden. A man who dared to pluck from Silmaril from the crown of Melkor to win her hand (and lose his). With Beren dying in her arms Luthien chooses mortality, and the two meet again, after death--incredible. 

And from their union a line that shall never fail. 

They had a son, Dior, who sired Elwing the White, who marries Earendil, and from him Elrond and Elros.

And from Elros the Kings of Numenor, all the way down to Aragorn.

People and place and lineage, back to the beginning.

This union of theme and lore, married to a gripping adventure story, is the holy trinity and why it is the greatest work of fantasy of all time.

Judas Be My Guide, Iron Maiden

I'm old enough to have bought Iron Maiden's Fear of the Dark on tape, very close to the day of its release  in May 1992. If I'm correct my buddy Pete and I bought a copy at a long defunct Strawberries (RIP). Popped it in the car stereo on the drive home and listened all the way to the end, even after arriving at our destination. Our ears were alert to every note. This was Maiden! They deserved our full attention.

We were blown away by "Fear of the Dark," the last song on side 2. Which has since become a classic and concert staple.

... and unfortunately underwhelmed by the rest, and the album as a whole. A rare miss by Maiden.

Except for one other track on side 2. 

Take a listen and I think you'll agree about "Judas Be My Guide." 

Nothing is sacred

Back then or now

Everyone's wasted

Is that all there is?

Is that it now?

Short, barely makes it past 3 minutes. Powerful, almost no foreplay save for a bit of atmospheric guitar work, then straight in. I love Dave Murray's guitar work after the bridge between the second and third chorus. Bruce is singing at a high level here. 

It rips. A great little overlooked song that deserves more attention in Maiden's catalog.

In hindsight "Afraid to Shoot Strangers" is pretty good too.

Happy 120th, REH!

I live in the northeast. We’re in the middle of a cold snap in the dead of a rougher than usual New England winter and are expecting a huge snowstorm Sunday into Monday. 

Given the conditions, may I suggest “The Frost-Giant’s Daughter”?

It is a good day to read some Robert E. Howard. After all it’s his 120th birthday.

I read a bit of “The Frost-Giant’s Daughter” on the recently released birthday tribute video by the Robert E. Howard Foundation. I recommend the whole thing, but if you just want to see what my basement bar looks like here’s the bit at 16:37.

As you’ll see in the video I have SSOC #1 and it contains a kick-ass adaption of the story by the great Roy Thomas, illustrated by the great Barry Windsor-Smith.

As I noted the story contains a mythic quality present in some but not all of Howard’s stuff. It feels like myth and in a sense it was, adapted from the Greek myth of Daphne and Apollo.

But it feels like a northern myth. Atali is a Valkyrie gone bad, not collecting the bodies of the slain but instead leading men to their deaths, at the hands of her two hulking brothers.

Until they meet Conan, that is.

Hoist a tankard of ale or a glass of your favorite adult beverage in honor of the greatest pulpster ever. He lives on in literary Valhalla.

Happy early birthday, REH: Watch the Foundation video Jan. 21

Frazetta's frosty take, also a masterpiece.

Thursday marks the 120th birthday of Robert E. Howard. For the occasion the Robert E. Howard Foundation has assembled an all-star cast of REH fans wishing Howard a happy birthday and reading a bit of his selected writings.

Somehow I'm part of said cast. You can see me say a few words about "The Frost-Giant's Daughter" and then read the first couple paragraphs of that story. Which I think is an absolute masterpiece (yet somehow rejected by Farnsworth Wright? WTF).

The video premieres tomorrow at 8 p.m. I recommend watching it "live" if possible as I'm sure folks will be chiming in via the chat feature in real time.

Link to the video here.

Also, there is a fundraiser afoot to raise money for overdue repairs to the Howard home in Cross Plains TX, which is now a permanent museum. I made the journey to the mecca in 2023, it's a fantastic take that must be undertaken by every Howard fan at least once in your life.

I contributed to the cause earlier this year. If you have any money to spare please donate; the Foundation is a 501 (c) (3) organization and your donation is therefore tax deductible. And will go toward the greatest of causes this side of raising Atlantis from the deeps: Preserving the home of the Cross Plains bard, the man who delivered sword-and-sorcery to our shores.

JRR Tolkien, "On Fairy Stories"

"For my part, I cannot convince myself that the roof of Bletchley station is more 'real' than the clouds. And as an artefact I find it less than inspiring than the legendary dome of heaven. The bridge to platform 4 is to me less interesting than Bifrost guarded by Heimdall with the Gjallarhorn."

Tom Barber memoir, LOTR 25th, and more

A self-portrait from Tom's wild days in the west...

Tom Barber’s Artists, Outlaws & Old Timers

My friend Tom Barber has a memoir on the market.

Artists, Outlaws & Old-Timers: The (sometimes hazy) recollections of a wandering artist is the compelling story of Tom’s years out west, when he was living life on the edge as a penniless artist in the throes of alcoholism. It’s a personal, reflective story of a unique soul and a talented painter whose work graced many sword-and-sorcery and science fiction paperback and magazine covers in the 70s and 80s (and later, Flame and Crimson).

Best of all the book is loaded with Tom’s art, full color and black and white illustrations and photographs which accompany the story. More than 60, I believe, including stuff you’ve never seen elsewhere. 

I am pleased to help Tom bring this to fruition. I’ve never published a book through Kindle Direct Publishing but was able to get Tom’s manuscript through to the finish line. Due to the visuals we chose the highest quality print, which makes the price point higher. But I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. 

It’s also available as an affordable e-book.

Why read it?

If you are a fan of Tom’s artwork, or enjoy getting a look into how other unique souls lived their life, consider picking it up. If you know anyone who struggled with alcohol addiction this will resonate. And, Tom could use the support.

Much more to come on this. I’ll be writing some pieces here, the blog of DMR Books and elsewhere.

LOTR 25th anniversary on the doorstep

Twenty-five years ago I saw The Fellowship of the Ring on opening night on the big screen. I was so blown away I returned to see it again a month or so later, determined to catch it one more time before it left the theaters. This was before streaming and I had no idea when I’d get the chance to watch it next.

I can’t think of another time I’ve ever watched a movie in the theater twice. Maybe Return of the Jedi as a kid? Certainly never as an adult. Although a few years ago I did see Maverick twice, with two different sets of people. 

In two days I’ll be (there and) back again, with my oldest daughter Hannah who was not even alive when Fellowship came out. Same theater too. I can’t wait.

It will be a very Lord of the Rings weekend. On Saturday night we’ll return to see The Two Towers. Then wait a week for Return of the King next Sunday, Jan. 25th. 

I love these films. Not unreservedly, but I believe they preserve the core of the books, even if they diverge in ways both large and small. The amount of care and attention Peter Jackson and his crew put into them is absolutely staggering, they are beautiful, incredibly well-acted and scored, and they deservedly remain revered. I’ve heard differing opinions from some Tolkien fans, but it’s hard to argue with 11 Academy Awards for ROTK alone, Rotten Tomatoes scores well over the 90th percentile, and the example of Rings of Power to know what could have been, in the wrong hands. If your minimum standard is as good as Tolkien you’ll never be happy; his works were the vision of a genius whose like has never been seen before or since, and the odds of us having another JRRT are effectively zero. Tom Shippey thought the movies were great, with reservations, and that’s where I stand. Bring them on.

My stereo rocks

After years and years of tinny TV speakers I had forgotten what a movie could and should sound like. On Sunday I hooked up my Boston Acoustics speakers and Yamaha receiver to an improved DVD/CD player and proceeded to watch a bit of KISS eXposed, a faux 1987 “documentary” of the band at their KISS mansion. It sounded awesome. The chicks were hot.

My new/old stereo rocks. So glad this is now part of my sword-and-sorcery man-cave.