Bring it on, Kitzakk Hordes |
He was a massive
horned demon of black metal and sinew graced by golden light, drinking air and
holding the bridge with booted feet as if all the elements were personal
possessions. The helmet had transformed him. He was death, and he had never
felt so alive.
--James Silke, Prisoner
of the Horned Helmet
Why did sword-and-sorcery die off in the late 80s? I believe
you can place the blame on a number of factors: Publishers were turning in
increasing numbers to high fantasy, in particular anything that could be
marketed as a trilogy. Oversaturation, with quantity outstripping quality. A glut
of bad Conan pastiche. “Clonans” including the likes of Kothar, Brak, and
Thongor, coupled with the Bantam and Tor tales featuring pale replicas of the
Cimmerian himself, turned sword-and-sorcery into the genre of Conan, but not
the good stuff written by Robert E. Howard.
The genre had painted itself into a corner, had become too
self-aware and too narrowly focused. If sword-and-sorcery is only about
muscular barbarians killing giant snakes and shagging women, there is only one
direction to go. More muscles, piled on muscles. Snakes big enough to feed on
elephants. Women ever more buxom and promiscuous.
All that pretty much describes Prisoner of the Horned Helmet. Pubbed at the end of a decade marked
by excess (1988, Tor Books) that’s what it delivers. It is emblematic of the height
of the ridiculous barbarian cliché that dominated the covers and later the
content of so many books published from the 60s through the 80s, and later a string
of mostly unbearable sword-and-sorcery films. It is one of the last examples of
a major publisher putting its weight behind a work of pure sword-and-sorcery. I
believe it marks the fall of the genre. This is a somewhat arbitrary claim, as
sword-and-sorcery never truly died, and some titles including the likes of Echoes of Valor were published into the
early 90s. But after Prisoner of the
Horned Helmet standalone sword-and-sorcery novels were pretty much a thing
of the past.
Prisoner of the Horned
Helmet is a testimonial to the artistic lodestar that was Frank Frazetta.
Frazetta added his meteoric talents to the works of Robert E. Howard in the
1960s and became an international phenomenon. The pairing was such a success that 20
years later it had turned full circle, with an author writing a series of
sword-and-sorcery novels to pair with Frazetta’s art. Namely, his 1973 painting
Death Dealer, which featured a badass barbarian with axe and shield, mounted on
a powerful warhorse, face obscured in dark shadow cast by a wicked horned
helmet. The result is the James Silke authored Prisoner of the Horned Helmet. Frazetta shares equal billing (1) on
the cover of a book he did not write, though the character of the “death
dealer” aka, Gath of Baal, is his. The back cover image of the paperback I own
is the Death Dealer, while the cover includes Gath dealing death, hacking down
a horde of ghoulish adversaries with an upraised axe.
Gath is a murderous slab of beefcake and an overgrown
teenager who just wants to be left alone. He lives in seclusion in a den-like
lair carved out of the roots of a giant tree with only a wolf for company. We
never find out who he is, although Silke at a couple points alludes to some
troubled event from his childhood when he was “nine or ten summers” that causes
him to lose faith in humanity and choose a life of isolation. So we are left
with a corny barbaric man of mystery:
Her
lids fluttered, then her head tilted back, and she looked into his shadowed
face. Dark stubble of beard. Bright hard white teeth. Eyes that hid under a
shaggy brow. Grey animal eyes of the predator ruled by the laws of claw and
fang, yet black wounds opening on to a haunted past, to the child long buried
within. Eyes proud of their mysteries. Eyes that had hidden his feelings too
well and long, but which could not hide from her.
Days of our Lives, with swords.
Women fall over Gath’s alpha maleness and can’t resist his
strength and sexual vitality and savagery, even though he offers them no comfort,
no emotion, and nothing of himself. Early on he forcefully beds a snake-goddess,
and she never forgets her lover, even as she spends the latter half of the book
trying to have him captured and executed.
I get the feeling Silke had a lot of fun writing this book,
and that he may have been tweaking sword-and-sorcery’s conventions just a wee
bit. Here’s a few examples of what you’ll find in Prisoner of the Horned Helmet:
The most beefcake
barbarian perhaps committed to paper. Here is the first description we get
of Gath: When it drifted off, the sun
revealed a thick body layered with slabs of muscle which rippled under
burnished flesh, glistening as if only he had the right to wear the sunshine. A
massive Barbarian as confident as a continent, but seemingly without reason to
be. His armor consisted of stained black hides. Dark bits of fur were strapped
to his feet and waist with wide thongs. His axe was the kind called elephant
killer, too heavy headed and long handled for close combat, despite its size.
His masked helmet, like his small circular shield, was of wood belted by metal
bars.
The largest snake
perhaps ever committed to paper. This thing is HUGE, with fangs nearly the
height of a woman, and a 300 pound tongue! The
horned helmet faced huge spreading jaws. Saliva as thick and green as wet grass
dripped from teeth as long as table legs. They protected a raw purple throat
which vomited a forked tongue, about three hundred pounds of red meat. The jaws
belonged to a snake as thick as a full grown pine tree… its head rose up out of
the entrance stairway completely blocking it. Its lower jaw rested on the floor
of the chamber.
A sorceress named (no
joke) Cobra, Queen of Serpents. In addition to being suitably snaky, wow is
she hot: She parted her robe to reveal a
lush body ripe with curves. Wide hips. Narrow waist. Full breasts swelling
above the restraining gold cloth of her garment like soft prisoners. She spoke
in a tone that was playful, in the manner of fingers stroking a naked thigh.
Over the top gore,
with corpses mounded on corpses… on corpses. Like this: Gath of Baal stood on a pile
of dead bodies working his axe. The surviving nomads surrounded him. Splattered
with blood, they mindlessly charged up the bodies of the fallen into the
Barbarian’s slashing axe. Bodies and pieces of bodies tumbled in the air,
tossed on fountains of blood, and still they charged. Gath was knee-deep in
carnage, slipping on bloody chests and heads. Dying men clung to his legs, bit
them, struggled with the last of their strength to pull him down into their
mire of gore.
But despite these metal elements we all love, Prisoner of the Horned Helmet is deeply
flawed. The world building is fantasy cliché and paper-thin: We’re introduced
to such memorable locales as “Summer Trail” and “Border Road” and the “Empire
of Ice,” and a wall of cliffs called the “Heights” (clever). There is a village
called Weaver, where the virgin maidens of Weaver … weave. All day, day after day. Because that
is their Craft (Silke loves to Capitalize Things). Until their idyllic
existence is threatened by the Kitzakk horde. Gath is coerced out of his
seclusion to help defeat the nasty Kitzakk raiders. Along the way he swipes a
demonic horned helmet that grants him additional power and vitality but also threatens
to possess his brain and body.
Despite Gath’s immense masculine vitality there is a definite
homoerotic vibe going on beneath the surface. Two warriors dispatched to kill
Gath strip down in front of the male high priest Dang-Ling and “eagerly apply
(green ointment) to their genitals,” made with the pubic hair and fingernails
of Gath, in order to lure him to his death. There is an extended and
unbelievably absurd penis joke, stretched out at length (pun fully intended),
as Gath’s love interest Robin has the screws put to her by Cobra with a
titillating magic-detection test:
A
short time later Dazi and Hatta stood on ladders above the mouth of the giant
flask holding a large glass tube steady as it spewed white fluid down the
throat of the vessel over Robin’s body. Baak stood on the floor nearby pumping
it out of an underground cistern into the glass tubes.
Cobra
and Dang-Ling stood on the circular staircase watching Robin struggle against
the torrent of milk. She tossed and flailed as her legs were repeatedly swept
out from under her. Defiance animated her small face.
…
Robin was thrashing wildly against the slosh and spill of the weighty fluid,
but her movements had an erotic eloquence to them. It was as if her breasts,
throat, arms and legs danced with a moving whiteness.
I think I need a moment. Also, that would have made for an
interesting interior illustration.
Despite my not insubstantial criticisms of the book, here’s
the truth: I like this stuff, and at some level I enjoyed Prisoner of the Horned Helmet. If I didn’t, I’d be reading and
blogging about Harry Potter. But it’s complicated. I can see the flaws, the
clunky exposition, the teenage wish fulfillment vacuous-ness. I’m trying my
darndest not to be the kind of hipster I despise, the one who drinks Pabst Blue
Ribbon for its blue collar heritage, with a smirk. I shaved my beard long ago. I
don’t read sword-and-sorcery ironically. I really do care about this stuff. But
I believe you have to read with some level of discernment, and recognize books
like Prisoner of the Horned Helmet
for what they are: Beefcake fantasy.
Perhaps the later volumes in the series will reveal Gath’s
mysterious past. Prisoner of the Horned
Helmet was followed by Lord of
Destruction, Tooth and Claw, and Plague
of Knives. I’m not sure if I’m ready to commit to three more books, but one
day I may.
Notes
1. In some editions Frazetta’s name takes top
billing over Silke—and the title—on the cover.
4 comments:
And this is why I generally avoided Sword and Sorcery until getting into this year.
I read it in a blur long ago, so I don't remember all the goofy stuff.
I have all four but yeah, it's hard to get motivated to give the rest of the a go when there are so many other books to read.
The only thing I really recall about this book is a line about the villains that goes something like: "they looked like tarantulas with their hair combed".
I kept it for years as an object lesson in how not to write S&S . . .
The S&S equivalent of a big mac... sometimes you need a greasy roadside stop, and it tastes somewhat good. But accompanied with guilt and an upset stomach.
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